How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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