Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got inside last night via doggy door
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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