areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
