today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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