nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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