I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
