Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
