Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize