She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
