The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
