I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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