so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
