Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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