i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
