I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
