that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
