Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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