..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
