My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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