im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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