Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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