told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
