i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
