we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
