Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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