id be glad to
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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