Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
