also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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