I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
