i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
