I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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