So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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