i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
