Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How's work?
Spinning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
