I'm going to jail i love you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
