Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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