i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
