I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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