Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
