I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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