I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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