If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
