and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
