once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
