see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
