You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
