I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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