dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
