I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
