Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
