You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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