he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
