if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
