FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
