Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
