he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is Oprah even human
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
