he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
