Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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