I want to stick my p in your. b.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
