I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
